Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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