cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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