he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
