i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
