I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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