What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
