I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
me + whiskey = a bad person
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
