I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
