Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
