I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
