Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
