I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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