Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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