got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
