I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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