I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You may now shotgun with the bride
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
