You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
