mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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