I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
