Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
