I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
