my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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