Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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