i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
