i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
