I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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