Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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