I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
