Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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