He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
