Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
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