be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Operation Purity has been aborted
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
