Can i not drive my cunt home
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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