For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
