I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
