i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
