Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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