All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
