my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
