dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
foreskin is a definite game changer
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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