maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
