smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
