Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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