I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize