it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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