worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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