my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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