my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize