meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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