you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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