Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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