8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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