There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
