he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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