I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
