I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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