never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
