I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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