i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
