walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
