Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
