Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
