You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
