It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
