i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i came on her dog
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
