I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
