Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
