My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize