Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
