Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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