Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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